Does it really take a village ?
04 Aug 2009 4 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, children, personal
Work has been crazy the last couple of weeks, for both me and R. Late nights and weekend working has been the order of the day. And it has been a tough balancing act, to manage childcare with both of us being busy at the same time. We mostly managed fine, except one day when I had to bring K in to work one evening, after picking her up from the nursery. K was a total star – playing with her toys and listening to songs from the internet quietly, while I finished work.
The other time this happened in the last few weeks was when R’s cousins were visiting us. I got caught up with something at work at the very last-minute and since R takes longer to travel home, he might or might not have made it back in time, before the nursery closing time. Thankfully, R’s cousins were home and they went and picked up K from the nursery. And like only family can, completely reassured me and told me to take my time. I do owe them one.
(I digress, but i was pleased as punch at the strict controls they have in place at the nursery. Even though I had called them and informed them that R’s cousin S will pick up K from the nursery, the nursery called me at work to double-check. They called me both on my mobile as well as my office number to confirm. This, when R’s cousin had gone with R to the nursery and so the nursery staff had already met her !! one can never be too sure with children, which is how I prefer it.)
As they say, it takes a village to bring up a child and I have never felt it so strongly before. We have so far, always managed amongst us to work around K’s schedules, pick her up from the nursery and still meet deadlines at work. But the last few weeks have taught us how unprepared we were, if we were to deal with a situation where both of us are busy at the same time.
We do not have a fall-back option for K to be picked up from the nursery, if either of us could not make it back in time. Of course, the nursery staff will stay with K till one of us got back home, in case we informed them. But that is not what I mean. We do not have any family living close-by, nor do we have any friends whom i can request or rely upon to pick up K and that is a very scary thought.
I may never exercise the option, but I do want to have that option open for me. One of my biggest fears is for K to grow up without having good friends around – something which does keep me awake on some nights. This may sound silly and I know it is still early, but we have not managed to arrange ANY play-dates for her, because we dont know anybody with children her age and that bothers me.
Having a network of friends around where I live is something I resolve to change and am determined to do so. People have managed to transform so many seemingly impossible things with chanting – going by that, this is a small goal. I am writing this here to remind myself and somehow writing it down makes it more tangible and real for me.
Just as I was posting this, I got this in my email. Daily guidance from the Buddhist organisation I belong to, which I receive by email everyday and is rather apt, so am going to put it up here.
“The resolve to accomplish your goals is what counts. If you earnestly put your mind to something, your brain, your body, your environment-everything – will start working toward achieving that end.Everything is always changing; the only indestructible unchanging thing is Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. If you chant, you are guaranteed to open new opportunities. You will achieve an unsurpassed state of being.”
Nursery Update
31 Oct 2008 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, children, nursery
I have been meaning to write for a long time now but a combination of several factors has kept me away from writing.
I went to the nursery last Thursday, to be greeted by a smiling, visibly relieved and happy S – K’s key worker at the nursery. S was mighty pleased with K’s progress – saying she is far far better now at the nursery – smiles a lot more, participates and plays with the other kids, allowed S to stroke her cheek at times (something which she used to object strongly before), had her lunch (or at least tried different things on her plate and had tea – not tea, the drink mind you, but evening tea which normally is crumpets/pita bread with some filling, fresh fruit salad and yoghurt or some other dessert). S told me that they were concerned about K and how she would settle down, though they kept it well hidden from us and reassured us each time that she would be just fine. So she was very glad to see her making such good progress.
Friday got even more glowing reports about her behaviour – how she made a pretense of crying (with no tears) when R dropped her off in the morning but was good as gold after that. Participated in activities, played on the slide, had some food, smiled a lot and did not cry at all. About how she was generally a happy child and no trouble at all. I never thought my heart was capable of swelling with so much pride and joy at hearing such lavish praise from her key worker, but it did. I always pictured myself in my own head to be one of those mothers, who would be unfazed about both praise and criticism related to my daughter and accept both without displaying too much emotion. But I was wrong. I had a spring in my step, the cold sunshine felt just perfect and right, the world seemed more bright and beautiful and most importantly, my heart was leaping with joy.
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Early this week promptly brought about a bout of infection. K developed a nasty cough, fever and runny nose. She even missed a day of nursery this week. She was sick on Diwali day, making us miss our famed early morning ganga snanam and it turned out to be a lazy day for both of us, with her clinging to me because of her illness. I did dress her up in new clothes later in the day, only for her to promptly get sick. Saw a beautiful display of firecrackers from our terrace and bedroom window.
We did not really have any celebrations of sweets – was totally caught unawares by our kind neighbour who brought us sweets and we had none to return. I hate being caught in such situations and was a good lesson for me to be better prepared for next time.
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We have to move flats at the end of this month, to be closer to K’s nursery. We took it fairly easy because R was under the impression that the whole credit crunch would have impacted the rental market too and we would find one easily, with landlords waiting for tenants. Seems like we miscalculated – one of the few things where R’s predictions did not come true at all. We waited, procrastinated a bit about two flats which we liked a lot, and now both are gone. We were both quite disappointed. It seems like we will extend our tenancy at this place for a couple of months and move once the festive season is past us.
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K adores agent Y now. Agent Y is greeted with big big smiles when she arrives and K seems genuinely happy to see her. Agent Y has to leave on the sly most evenings, else K creates a big big scene. K’s unwritten rule for most people coming to our house is that they shouldn’t leave. They either have to leave quietly without her notice or else she bawls when they do.
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K had to miss nursery yesterday. What with her fever, racking cough and runny nose, we could not send her to the nursery.Though i know that this is all part of her immunity building up process and it will be a couple of months till she fully settles down and is immune, its still hard while it lasts. The silver lining though is that its at the end of the year, when taking holidays is easier psychologically, because of all my accrued days and also because i know that my balance will be replenished soon in the new year.
I have a huge deadline at work for today, which meant that I could not afford to take any time off, even though I have a lot more holidays left than R. R stayed home, even though he himself is sick. It looks like its going to be another rough weekend. I am away on work for a good part of next week and I sure hope they both recover. When it rains, it pours.
Week 2
07 Oct 2008 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, nursery
Week 2 of us being on our own and it has not got any easier..
K screamed her lungs out yesterday morning when agent Y came home apparently. Since R is in-charge of the morning routine, for which I will be eternally greatful to him, I was already in the office, working away and waiting for an update from him.
K cried a LOTT and eventually threw up, so distressed was she. Maybe distressed is too strong a word, because she does this often. But upset she was. R waited outside the house for a couple of minutes for K to settle down, which she did and then left for work. it just doesnt get any easier though, does it ??
Got home last evening to find a cheery, happy K playing happily with Y, as if the morning never happened. Y was happy with her progress – K had some breakfast, lunch, allowed Y to change her nappy, laughed a LOTT when Y danced garba for her….good progress considering she did not let Y do any of these the week before.
Evening brought a different story though. K refused dinner, threw up all her milk not once or twice but THREE times, each time involving a change of clothes, cleaning up etc. Running fever too. She managed to sleep later though, which was great.
Woke up at 4 to find K wet !!! Her nappy must have moved during one of her clothes changing routines. Still running a high fever, so changed her and fed her some medicine.
R took K to the doctor today, though she refused to let the doctor examine her. I should have booked an appointment with a lady doctor, but somehow that slipped my mind. She is still rather feverish, inactive and not playing as much. We have another buffer day tomorrow when Y will be back to look after her. Hopefully she will be back to her old self.
What else but childcare ?
02 Oct 2008 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, nursery
My mind is so occupied with K’s childcare situation these days that I have no enthusiasm to sit down and write about anything else. I do try, but inevitably my mind drifts back to the nursery and how I should do a post about that.
This is Week 1 without my parents. And i have had to take 2 days off sick this week already. K has passed on her cold, fever, chest congestion from the nursery on to me. I have been coughing my lungs out, my throat hurts when I swallow, my body is racked with fever off and on. Its not been pleasant at all.
All this at a particularly bad time because I have a deadline at work for the 6th October, which now has to be postponed. Most of my work has been done, but this week was meant for cleaning up bits and pieces and putting finishing touches to it, which obviously did not happen. The upside of it though is I dont have to travel to Dublin next week anymore, my colleague is going instead. It does mean painful hours on the phone trying to explain things to him, but at least I can come home in the evening.
K played well with agent Y on Monday. Y was visibly relieved and happy when I got home. Y’s biggest complaint is that K doesnt eat !! Nothing new there, so we were not too fazed. Her routine on Wednesday with Y again got disrupted because I was home. She played with Y off and on, but kept coming to look after me, as she knew I was around.
Today was nursery day. She cried a teeny weeny bit when R dropped her off this morning. But when I went to pick her up in the evening, they told me that she had been teary. She would not play with the other children and would not take part in any activities. Did not eat much, which probably contributed to her teariness.
The sad part is on the way home in the car, she refused to talk to me. As soon as I told her or asked her something, she would cry. As if she was expressing her displeasure at being sent to the nursery and this was her own, unique way of protesting.
I dont know – sometimes this whole flexible option of 2 days nursery and 2 days babysitting at home makes me wonder if thats the reason for her not settling down well. If she was going to the nursery everyday, would it make it better ? Children thrive on routine and maybe we are giving her confused signals with so many options. On the other hand, children are so resilient and adapt so quickly and beautifully to new situations and circumstances that my rational mind says that its only a matter of time before she settles down. Any thoughts ?
Childcare update
29 Sep 2008 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, nursery
Today, K starts her first week of truly being with us alone. No grandparents for support, complaining, pampering her every whim and fancy, no one to order about.
Agent Y starts today and arrived bright and early. Since my weak heart cannot take her crying and I break down, R has graciously offered to do the morning shift. So he drops her to the nursery or stays home till agent Y comes while I get to leave early.
K cried her lungs out, according to R when he was leaving. Loud, tears streaming down her face, absolute forlorn look on her face. Refusing to go to agent Y. R too sounded a tad upset when he mentioned it to me over the phone this morning. I am only too glad he is doing the morning routine, I am upset just listening to it, dont think I can handle it.
R hung around outside the house to make sure that she was ok before he left for work. Agent Y called me soon after to say that K has settled down well and is even eating. Fingers crossed that she lasts the day.
Nursery too is going better now. The ladies there say that she is much much calmer, even plays with the other children for a while though communication is a problem, according to them because she doesnt talk. I disagree because she points and tells you exactly what she wants, its a question of deciphering them.
Somedays I wonder if our choice of sending her two days to the nursery and getting someone home for 2 days is sensible or not. K has to adjust to many more factors this way and understand that each day is not going to be the same as the day before. Yet when i see her sniffing away, nose leaking I think that this is the right decision. Confusing as hell.
K – Some muddled thoughts
23 Sep 2008 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, children, nursery
K is much better now. The antibiotics are working their magic and she is recovering. Slowly. But recovering for sure. Her already poor appetite is not yet back, but she is active, alert, cheerful which is what matters more to me.
Agent Y was complaining about K’s poor eating habits – and agent Y has taken it upon herself as a challenge to improve her eating habits. She is making elaborate plans to feed her all kinds of stuff. Good luck to her is all I can say.
K seems to have adjusted to agent Y quite well. She cries when agent Y leaves each day and plays well with her. The real test will be next week though, when my parents are not around.
The second night during her sick week was better. She slept continuously till 2.00, when she got up, crying. I tried to rock her back, hold her to help her breathe better, but she was still crying. She kept pointing to the bedside table to indicate she wanted something. It took me a full minute to realise she was asking me to wear my specs.
Once the specs were plonked on my nose in my half-zombie state, K kept indicating to the living room, so escorted her there. She then pointed to the steriliser, the fridge and the microwave to indicate that she wanted some milk. How cool is that !! At 2.00 AM in her sick, half-dozed state, she still had the presence of mind to indicate exactly what she wanted in her own inimitable one-word-vocabulary style.
K recovered well by Friday but not enough to go to the nursery, so she stayed home. It will be close to 2 weeks when she goes to the nursery this Thursday.
My uncle, aunt and cousin visited and stayed the weekend with us. My uncle is K’s favourite person – favourite enough for her to calm down looking at his picture when she is distressed. Watches endless runs of videos with my uncle in it. My uncle loves and laps up all the attention and indulges her like only a grandparent can.
K’s illness has also made her rather clingy to me. Clingy enough for her to refuse to go even to R. Wants me in the room all the time. Follows me like a shadow if I step out anywhere. Wants me to do everything for her – carry her around, feed her, change her, pur her to sleep. Its a wonderful feeling to receive such love, warmth but can also be a bit stifling at times.
A sick K
18 Sep 2008 3 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, nursery
I spoke too soon in my last post about how K has recovered well, in time for her to go to the nursery to pick up the next one. Well did not happen, because she is sick..
My poor baby is sick, sick enough to not be able to attend her first ‘proper’ supposed-to-be-full-time-day of nursery. Instead I had to take her to a doctor this morning.
She has all the classic symptoms of a viral – leaking nose, runny eyes, fever, congested chest. She has had a cold for a couple of days now – but the fever, accompanied by a guttural, throaty cough is only since yesterday. But the fever has been pretty high. Awful overall.
Last night was hard. The poor girl has been sleeping fairly well, irrespective of her cold. We started putting her on a thin, slightly raised cushion in her crib and that worked just fine. Except last night.
Last night, she was really struggling to breathe. She would not settle at all and I had to hold her upright on my shoulder for her to get any sleep. The minute I would lay her down, her cough would be back waking her up. I held her for nearly 3 hours and then woke up R for him to do his bit, which of course he did. After being rather annoyed at me for not waking him sooner.
I finally took her to the doctor this morning. She definitely has a congested chest was the verdict. She has been started on an antibiotic. Hope she feels better soon.
The timing could not have been worse for us. Today and tomorrow are her nursery days and I dont think she is going anywhere, looking at her state. Which means she will go to the nursery next week after a gap of nearly 12 days.
My parents leave on Saturday week. Even thinking about it makes me sad and teary. Work is going to be really busy for the next two weeks for me. When it rains, it sure pours.
Childcare Update
17 Sep 2008 5 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, children
Thanks to GDS for prompting me to write about the nursery situation..
We have chosen a mixed childcare option for K. What I mean by that is we plan to send her to the nursery for two days of the week, get a childminder home for 2 days of the week and we are childcare less for 1 day.
Why ? I wanted to transition her slowly into the nursery. Going to an unfamiliar place surrounded by unknown people. A whole new, different environment and I just wanted to bring in that change slowly. Grow into a routine of it being a full time option rather than just jump into it.
With the child minder, at least the home environment is familiar. She is surrounded by her own toys, books and had to adjust to only the child minder.
Another reason for chosing this option was to have a back-up plan at home (rather than use up all my holiday time) in case she falls sick at the nursery (which in the initial few months is bound to happen). She already has picked up her first nasty cold (which has manifested itself into a mild chest infection) which makes it hard for her to breathe properly.
We dont have any childcare for a Tuesday so far. Various reasons, misunderstandings, changed plans. Suffice to say we dont have any. And my hard earned, sparing used holiday quota this year is going for this worthy cause. The situation will hopefully change in February.
Our child minder (lets call her Agent Y as MG refers to her rather aptly) started this week. K got on with her like a house on fire. My parents were around too, and K has seen Y before, so this was by no means a first meeting. Seriously, K seems to have taken a real fancy to Y and was laughing a LOTT, so much so that agent Y had to tell K to stop. My mother is very very happy. I am just hoping that this continues even when my parents are not around.
K has not been to the nursery as yet this week. Her nursery days are soon coming up, fingers crossed that it does go well. We dont plan to send her for a full day as yet, maybe for a couple of hours. In time for her to pick up another infection !!!!
Day 9
11 Sep 2008 2 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, children, nursery
We are into day 9 and i dare say we have got into more of a routine now.
My parents have begun to drop and pick her up from the nursery as of today. They picked her up yesterday and from today, they are entrusted with nursery duty. Because the nursery is trying to let K see the various routines during different times of the day, it can be bang in the middle of the day and the only way R or I could cover it would be by taking a full day’s holiday. So we delegated to my parents, who are only too willing to help out.
We have arranged a drop off and pick up taxi so that my parents dont have to venture out too much in the cold.
K walks into the nursery without too much of a fuss, settles down very soon and doesnt cry at all. The nursery staff tell me she is much calmer and seems to have settled down well.
She has still not eaten anything nor drank any milk at the nursery yet. So far it has been ok, because the maximum number of hours that she is there on any day is three. So she makes up for it by eating/drinking milk as soon as we pick her up. What worries me is how she will manage when she goes for a longer duration.
Another thing is that the nursery staff tell me that she plays on her own. Doesnt interact with any of the other children nor with the nursery staff. Just wants to be left alone and does her own thing. In my own experience, she has always been very curious, keen and enthusiastic to play with other little children, so I often ponder why its different in the nursery. Wonder if thats her way of rebelling against this whole set-up ?
Day 7 – Update
09 Sep 2008 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: childcare, children, nursery
We seem to be doing well.. second consecutive day. I dont even believe in jinxes but yet, am hesitant to brag too much about this.
She cried a little bit when she was dropped off this morning. Settled down quite quickly and was much calmer than last week, almost like yesterday. Did not eat anything in the 2 hours that she was there, but at least did not cry. Played mostly on her own. Did not join in for any of the activities, but all in good time.
We still have 2 more weeks of my parents being around before she has to go full-time. So we are hoping to transition her slowly, gradually increasing her hours. I hope she starts eating there soon, if not eating, at least begins drinking her milk, which has been her single most effective nourishment at home too.
